Image: Christophe Bethell
When the first day of the gigantic emo nostalgia festival When We Were Young was canceled on Saturday, netizens were complacent. The event was plagued with doubt and derision from the start: 60 groups charged to play for 12 hours in the middle of the desert, at a high (non-refundable) price, organized by the same promoters responsible for AstroWorld.
Some claimed it was a scam praying for aging millennials with disposable income and nothing of material value, others said it had “Fyre Festival” written all over it. And from the too-good-to-be-true lineup that looked like a pencil case from year 9 in 2004 to the fact that it was announced before many bands had even agreed to play, it seemed a bit fatal . Partly because we’re not used to nice things, and it seemed too good to be true. My Chemical Romance, Paramore and Avril Lavigne? Back to back? Surely not…
Despite these reservations, 80,000 emos, mostly of the older variety, descended on the Las Vegas Strip like an invasion of locusts in fishing nets. And despite overcoming every conceivable difficulty – namely, organizing a festival that presented a greater logistical nightmare than having gay people on the island of love – it was cruel that the first day took place in strong winds.
Unfortunately for all the haters, losers and truly unhappy people who bought Saturday tickets only to spend the weekend wandering aimlessly through the strange smelling hallways of the Circus Circus Hotel and Casino, however, day two s went off without a hitch. The crowd was buzzing, the bands were all enjoying themselves while seeming somewhat taken aback by the amount of non-ironic love people had for them and there were people wearing v-necks so deep they had to be styled over Vinted.
So, with the scene in place, here’s some of what we heard on the (successful) day one of When We Were Young 2022:
“In me, there are two wolves: one who wants to go on the waterslide and one who wants to get a tattoo on his ass.”
“Aloha, assholes! »
Security to a couple carrying cans of PBR: “You’re going to have to pour them out before you pass, I’m afraid.”
Couple: “Oh…we’ll be back in two minutes.”
Safety: “YEAH, CHUG IT!”
“3OH!3 should arrive three minutes late so they’re at 3:03. That would be awesome.”
“Brother, the main stage is so lame.”
Person 1: “I thought there would be more people here dressed like me.”
Person 2: “What do you mean?”
Person 1: “Like, vests and shit.”
“Guys, I grabbed the mic! I’m like Adam Lazarra, let’s go!” – the singer of 3OH!3
Person 1: “Do you think anyone here is our age?”
Person 2: “Yeah, look how many guys are wearing baseball caps, that means they’re bald.”
“I would like Morrissey to play.”
“Sorry, I just dropped my Elf Bar” – Bert McCracken of The Used, in the press area.
[Two girls twerking while watching Jimmy Eat world] “We are sending him back…sadly.”
“Guys, is my Insta story cool?”
Travis Barker nearly stood on my foot and apologized.
“Yeah well I stink, okay? I stink and I suck.”
“There’s so much talent in this town.”
Person 1: “What do we have to do for two hours?”
Person 2: “Well, I’m going to do a huge shit.”
[Pointing at a still burning cigarette on the floor] “Ryan, stop that fag!”
“I just walked through the food court and saw fifteen emos crying alone on the floor.”
“Why is Denny my safe space now?” »
“My ass is locked and loaded.”
The singer of La Dispute, Jordan Dreyer [Singing] Can I still enter heaven if I kill myself? / Can I still enter heaven if I kill myself? [Addressing the crowd] “Thank you! It’s really fun :)”
Person 1: “I love tapioca.”
Person 2: “Are you pretending to be in a nursing home?”
“Yeah…that made me really sad.”